I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
