He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
