I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone came in the potted fern
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
