The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
