so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
