I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
