I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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