wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize