Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
