M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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