drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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