You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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