Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
