porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
