if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
