is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
