I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
