I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
