I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
