i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize