dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
