We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
