you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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