I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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