I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize