I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
