Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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