i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
