When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
