I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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