what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize