Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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