Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
