fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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