i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
