yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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