420 ftw
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This house was built for laser tag.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
