STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
