she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
