my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
two words...techno handjob
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
