In the future we'll all be gay
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
