4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
