i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize