what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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