I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
