Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Come back. Shots need mouths.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
