We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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