I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
