I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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