pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
