god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dick very happy bro
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
