Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
