Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
