watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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