Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
