It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
