I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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