Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was born a porn star she said
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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