I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
