wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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