there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
