Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize