yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
