That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
