you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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