im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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