420 ftw
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
