I have demons in me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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