I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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