I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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