I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
