My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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