I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
where am i from again
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
