Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
