we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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